On February 22-24, 2008 Beyond Ex-Gay partnered with various Memphis organizations, national LGBT groups, and ex-gay survivors from the area and around the country to organize a series of events under the heading Deconstructing the Ex-Gay Myth—A Weekend of Action & Art. The events included an art show, two plays, a film, a party, an ex-gay survivor gathering, and two press events. To recap all that took place we have created web pages where you can view our photo album, watch video (special thanks to Daniel Gonzales!), and read about ways people have recovered from their ex-gay experiences.
Like at last summer's Ex-Gay Survivor Conference we did a Chalk Talk, which is a visual conversation done on a wall. Anyone can write a word, phrase or image about the prompt. They can also connect thoughts.
This time we chose for our prompt Ex-Gay Experiences. Daniel Gonzales of Box Turtle Bulletin took some footage of the Chalk Talk once we finished. Christine blogged about the experience here.
The power behind a Chalk Talk is that everyone can add what they like. Also, their words stay out there. With the Ex-Gay Survivor Movement one of the things we hope to see is ex-gay leaders and others who promote ex-gay therapies beginning to listen to the words and stories of ex-gay survivors. Here is a wonderful opportunity.
"what I saw and heard would make a brick cry, if not a fundamentalist"
One of our allies, Bruce Garrett, wrote, "After the action at the Love Won Out conference, there was a gathering of ex-gay survivors at the Memphis gay community center. My cameras were only conditionally allowed inside, as there was a real need to create a safe space there for people to basically spill their guts about what had happened to them. (This is why I never made it as a newspaper photographer...I always ask permission first...) But I was allowed to witness the event and I'm here to tell you what I saw and heard would make a brick cry, if not a fundamentalist.
One wall inside the center was covered with paper, for the survivors to write little notes on, in an exercise called a "chalk talk". It was a way of helping them get their feelings out into the open and to acknowledge them...something that is excruciatingly difficult for people who have been emotionally battered to do. I was not allowed to photograph the process, for I think obvious reasons, but afterwards I was asked to record the little writings on the wall. I actually had to get up and leave the room twice as, one after the other, the survivors stepped up to the wall and started writing, and I began to see it all coming out, so overwhelming was it."
"I had a huge emotional reaction to the idea of failure and "you didn't try hard enough" and I wrote the response "or you tried too hard." Since the Glamour article I have had both of those sentiments directed at me way too many times to count. I just can't win. And while I know this isn't about convincing the unconvinced, it still hurts to always feel the failure, especially with people I used to be close to." — Christine
"I was honored to be included as part of the “ally” contingent during BXG weekend, and as such had a very eye-opening experience. My immediate impression of the survivors I met was that they are at once happy and injured, vigorous and in pain, empathic and seeking strength, and perhaps most of all, capable of loving and deserving utmost love. There was much sharing of life experiences by the participants, and it became obvious to me that there was a huge synergistic power which arose from the emotional energy filling the rooms." Bob Loos, out gay man and licensed therapist in Memphis
Some excerpts from the Chalk Talk Wall:
You did not try hard enough -----> OR you tried too hard and didn't rely on God. Can't win
God was too weak + cruel to change me.
Failure
I "fell" when I fell in love with a man
humiliation
an inability to trust myself ---> therefore, submissive to someone else - "enslaved"
Sexuality is merely behavior; sexuality is "being"; --- kept hidden
BROKEN ----> Recovery? ---> How? Sometimes I think maybe it will never fully heal. I think if I was broken when I came in, maybe something was SHATTERED when I left.
I lived in a mayonnaise jar. I could see everyone but I couldn't reach out and touch anyone. (drawing of a mayonnaise jar) ----> "Protected" ---> on display
We only love/accept you if you're ex-gay ----> and if not, I get "tough love" which is tough with NO LOVE
Harmed my parents -----> Divorce -----> Family; wife; church ----> still apologizing for the harm ---> shame ----> blame ---> hurt my family being ex-gay; not gay
Re-intros / Friends and Family Weekend ---> humiliation - to me, my family, my friends
Anger
Inferiority complex
Love in Action ----> ??? (Question marks extend out from the word Love) ----> Presuppose base of authority to define (extends out from the word Action) ----> ABUSE
The rare ex-gay (picture of flying fish)
Taking off one mask....putting on another
Approved introspection ----> LOST
(drawing of computer with "WWW") this is my forbidden zone
Leaving without question what motivates the people who want to change <other> people ---> BIGOTS? ----> When you are 'the critic' you are immune from criticism
deceit ---> deceive self & deceive others ----> they preached MERCY; they practiced JUDGMENT ----> I was told I would get help for my debts only to have the bank order a repo for my car
"Enmeshment" ---> Emotional dependency ----> still can't be close to friends today ---> surface intimacy ----> conformity becomes idolatrous
LIA put me on the road to coming out. Worth ever dime for that reason alone ---> for the first time" I am NOT alone" ---> new friends ---> new family ----> a positive of LIA ----> YES, thank you for reminding me of what I am building now.
(Drawing of a fish tank with a fish) Constraining, like my former faith
(Drawing of a church with a lock on a door) ----> All these people who loved me and took me into their lives and homes and became family to me - GONE in an instant. ---> (Person saying "What now" on drawing)
When can I get a refund for my "gift of celibacy?" ---> Being unwilling to accept celibacy is what drove me into the ex-gay movement
